


Thirteen, Thirteen, Thirteen

by orphan_account



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: --On that note: Poor Hector--, AU - Beatrice Snicket died, AU - Beatrice died, AU - Great Unknown didn't kill Quagmires, AU - Hotel Denouement burned slowly, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-25 13:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10765578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dear Reader,The story you now on your computer screen is nothing but misery and woe. Within these dreadful lines of HTML code you will find arson, murder, sugar bowls, more arson, calamity, a TV camera, and tears. It is my job to record these awful tales - but you may choose to exit your tab and never come back to this section of Archive Of Our Own again.With all due respect,Lemony SnicketOrphaned. Just like the Baudelaires.





	Thirteen, Thirteen, Thirteen

**Author's Note:**

> To Beatrice  
> You were my angel in disguise.  
> It is no longer a disguise.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Generally, if you are reading my work, it starts off unhappy, ends unhappy, and has very few happy parts in-between. However, this is the first and last time I will respite custom. The phrase "respite custom" is synonymous to "break tradition", which in turn is a phrase meaning "for the first time, I write a happy beginning."

Generally, if you are reading my work, it starts off unhappy, ends unhappy, and has very few happy parts in-between. However, this is the first and last time I will respite custom. The phrase "respite custom" is synonymous to "break tradition", which in turn is a phrase meaning "for the first time, I write a happy beginning."

The Baudelaire's had made it to the mainland, two years after Olaf's death. The first was delayed by young Beatrice getting sick, and sealing her fate to a illness-caused demise. Sunny had cried, Klaus had grieved, but Violet suffered from mortification, a word which here means "a state of depression."

Eventually, Violet left her mortification, and the three Baudelaires waited for the big day again, their existing raft ready to depart.

Lucky for me to write, you to read, and the censors to approve of, this is where the happy begins.

As Violet, Klaus and Sunny arrived at their destination, they were marveled at their accidental destination - Briny Beach.

Violet was the first to speak. "We're back here,"

Klaus followed up with a "after all these years..."

Sunny ended the statement, alerting the two Baudelaires to something in the distance. "Tzedekk Poe!", which meant something along the lines of "Who's that shadowy figure this time - I doubt it's Mr. Poe!"

Sunny was right. As the beginning stepped out of the fog, she gasped.

"Baudelaires, is that you?!"

There is a time that hopefully will never happen to you, where, on a categorical scale, would be just below dying, and someone you love dying. This is believing someone you love is dead, or finding out people thought you were dead. As you might recall, this was the case with Quigley Quagmire.

Violet and Klaus ran up to the women, Sunny shrieking, "Just Strauss!" which probably meant, "Justice Strauss!"

Justice Strauss couldn't believe it. "Violet, Klaus, Sunny - you have all grown so much... Where were you all those years, everyone thinks you're dead."

The orphans froze up. As for the reason I stated above, this surprised them.

"What do you mean, Justice Strauss?" Klaus asked.

Justice Strauss shook her head. "Call me Elizabeth - I'm no longer a member of the High Court. Or any court."

"How come, Just-Elizabeth...?" Violet asked, correcting herself mid-word.

"After I found out Clyde and Bonnie - the woman and man respectively, were accomplices of Olaf's, after having them arrested - it took forever, believe me - I quit. Just like that.

"But enough about me, Baudelaires, what happened to you? You've been gone just a little over two years." Elizabeth asked.

"After we fled Hotel Denouement, we arrived on a deserted island. Olaf ended up washed away..."

With that, formerly-justice Strauss listened to the Baudelaires, as the tale of their adventures of the Island - which in turn led to Hotel Denouement; in turn leading to the Gorgonian Grotto, and the Mortain Mountains & the Caragili Carnival, Heimlich Hospital, and the Village of Fowl Devotees: This led to 667 Dark Avenue, Prufrock Prep, Lucky Smells, Lake Lachrymose, Lousy Lane - and finally the fire that murdered the Baudelaire parents.

"Oh, Baudelaires, I'm so sorry..." Elizabeth Strauss said. "But," she added, "that means Violet is of age now - you can claim your fortune." Violet, Klaus and Sunny all looked at each other. In their excitement upon return, they had nearly forgotten that Violet could now inherit her fortune.

And so, this was why the Baudelaires, after departing from ex-Justice Strauss, went to Mulctuary Money Management. Mr. Poe was shocked to see them alive.

"Baudelaires, Violet, Klaus, Sunny! I'm surprised that you're all oka-" Mr. Poe started, before interrupting himself with a coughing fit. As far as I can tell, this was his worst yet, lasting approximately two minutes, a phrase here meaning, "that is Mr. Poe's coughs got much worse, he would likely die from his cough, which would make my day."

"You'll be happy to know I kept your inheritance safe, and... I imagine you're here to withdraw?"

Hence, the Baudelaires left the bank two and a half hours later with their options on how to use the fortune at last.

"We should build a new mansion." Violet said.

"With a library, an inventing studio -" Klaus started, before interrupted by Sunny.

"Build it bayit!" Sunny said, which probably meant 'We should build where the first mansion was.'

The Baudelaires, almost comically, turned around and went back to the bank.

* * *

"Mr. Poe, we were wondering if... if the lot where the Baudelaire Mansion once stood is still... if it still for sale?" Klaus asked, pausing whenever Poe had a twenty second coughing fit.

"Of course, Klaus. It was part of the fortune." Poe said, as if they already had been told. "Oh? You didn't know? When the Baudelaire Mansion burned down, EVERYTHING was insured. Your multimillion dollar fortune has practially tripled in wrth because so much was lost."

After examing the number, the three Baudelaires realized Poe had lied. It hadn't tripled. They went from two point five million to sixty-two million, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much much more than triple.

Even Poe had been aware of the number. "Oh, Good God... That puts you at a tie with the richest in town..." he said, surprised.

Violet questioned this. "Tie? Who is the other richest?"

Poe responded quickly. "The Quaghires. They had a similar tale to yours, really, if you thi-"

"Isadora?" Klaus asked.

"Duncun?" Violet followed.

"Quigley!" Sunny finished.

"Yes, actually, I'm surprise you remember them." Poe said. He paused. "Thinking about it, they told me to bring you to see them if you ever returned." Poe added, just remembering.

The Baudelaire would have been out the door in mere seconds if they hadn't needed to wait for Mr. Poe.

* * *

Klaus knocked on the door, and the person coming to answer was Isadora.

"K-Klaus?" She stuttered, shocked, surprised. "V-Violet? Sunny?"

As you might know, you see someone again after assuming they are dead, lost, or astray, a word here meaning "dead and lost", you will know you would be relieved to learn that that person is not dead, lost or astray.

Isadora Elizabeth Quagmire was no exception.

**Author's Note:**

> WCCU ASAW, WCCU ASAW,  
> WCCU ASAW, WCCU ASAW,  
> QWFO KELJD MCER BAKTZM, ST NUGYG MYUN WFZZS NAU,  
> OJLT'G KROOL TG UYIJG HFGH WONE BTGAKY  
> HOMV OKKY, HOMV OKKY,  
> HOMV OKKY


End file.
